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Bullied as a child, Tor Constantino shares hard-won insights to shatter misconceptions and help parents handle bullying more effectively.
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My family moved around a lot when I was growing up.
Every two years or so, I had to attend a different school, and since I was the “new kid” at each school I invariably experienced bullying in some manner—it consisted mostly of shoving, destruction of my things, and schoolyard fighting.
It seems that I was not alone in my experience.
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According to the most recent government statistics, 44 percent of middle schools reported bullying problems, while more than 20 percent of both elementary and high schools reported similar issues.
Even though bullying episodes tapered off for me in high school, I still managed to get into three separate fights while working through my secondary education.
While my parents were very supportive through every incident, they didn’t fully understand what it was like being bullied.
I want better for my kids who are currently in the fifth and eighth grades respectfully. We talk with them every day about school, my wife volunteers at the school regularly and thankfully neither daughter has been bullied yet—at least not that they’ve mentioned to us.
I hope they won’t have to.
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I came across a very informative web site called
StopBullying.gov that had a variety of useful tools including the following list of myths about bullying. Some of these myths surprised me, and I’m sure they’ll surprise other parents as well.
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1. Only boys bully
FALSE: People think that physical bullying by boys is the most common form of bullying. According to government research, verbal, social, and physical bullying happens among both boys and girls—especially among girls as they grow older.
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2. People who bully are insecure and have low self-esteem
FALSE: Many people who bully are popular and have average or better-than-average self-esteem. They often take pride in their aggressive behavior and control over the people they bully. Some who bully may also have poor social skills and experience anxiety or depression. For them, bullying can be a way to gain social status.
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3. Bullying usually occurs when there are no other students around
FALSE: Students witness four-out-of-five bullying incidents at school. In fact when other kids see bullying happening, they give the student who is bullying positive attention or even join in about three quarters of the time. Although 90 percent of students say there is bullying in their schools, adults rarely see bullying, even when looking for it—that disparity stunned me.
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4. All children will outgrow bullying
FALSE: Bullying reflects an imbalance of power that happens again and again. For some, bullying continues as they become older. Unless someone intervenes, the bullying will likely continue and, in some cases, grow into violence and other serious problems. Children who consistently bully others often continue their aggressive behavior through adolescence and into adulthood.
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5. Reporting bullying will make the situation worse
FALSE: Research shows that children who report bullying to an adult are less likely to experience bullying in the future. Adults should encourage children to help keep their school safe and to tell an adult when they see bullying.
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6. Teachers often intervene to stop bullying
FALSE: Adults often do not witness bullying despite their good intentions. Teachers intervene in only 14 percent of classroom bullying episodes and in four percent of bullying incidents that happen outside the classroom.
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7. Nothing can be done at schools to reduce bullying
FALSE: School initiatives to prevent and stop bullying have reduced bullying by 15-to-50 percent. The most successful initiatives involve the entire school community of teachers, staff, parents and students.
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8. Parents are usually aware that their children are bullying others
FALSE: Parents play a critical role in bullying prevention, but they often do not know if their children bully or are bullied by others. To help prevent bullying, parents need to talk with their children about what is happening at school and in the community.
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I found the revelation of these falsehoods to be immensely helpful and informative as I parent my own children. It’s easy to misunderstand bullying and bullies if you’re not aware of the facts. I encourage you to share this article with anyone you know who needs this vital information. Bullying can be stopped, but parents have to know how to recognize it and how to take corrective and supportive action for their children.
Question: Were you ever bullied? How did you handle it?
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The post 8 Bullying Myths Every Parent Needs to Master appeared first on The Good Men Project.
